AMBIEN

i don’t know where to begin
i’ve got this heaving weight on my chest
this endless weight
that just keeps punching at me
spitting in my face while i’m crying
i keep thinking my adrenaline will kick in
and just shove itself off of me
but here i am
la dee fucking da
briefcase in my left hand
right hand shaking suicide’s
i will never do it
i will never gun-to-mouth it
i don’t want my skull broken
i don’t want anything
(that’s kind of true…
…and kind of a big ass lie.)

oh fuck
i’m falling asleep
let it happen
these rocks will roll
good night

COPYRIGHT BRICE MAIURRO 2013

READ “A REQUEST TO DELETE YOUR HISTORY”

Author: brice maiurro

Denver poet. Author of Stupid Flowers, out now through Punch Drunk Press.

8 thoughts on “AMBIEN”

  1. It felt funny to say “I liked it.” But you are not alome in this world. There are people to care. Depression and suicide millions of people each day. I am praying for you. You can get through this. Hugs, Barbara

    1. Oh, I feel fairly fine. I was in a bad mood. Just kind of riffing on depression. Thank you for your support, but I assure you, I have felt depressed no more or less than the normal person. I don’t want to worry anyone. I have a great life, and for the down times great friends and family (and readers 🙂 ) all around me.

  2. I feel strange saying that I loved your writing here, but I did. It feels so simplistic, but not in a bad way. Like you aren’t afraid to convey your thoughts and aren’t hiding behind some large metaphor. I especially liked the phrase “These rocks will roll.” And never, ever give up on life. It’s beautiful, magical, and everything you want it to be. I’ve been in that place you were when you were writing this, but you are worth more than that. It sounds strange, given that I have never met you. But please don’t give up 🙂 beautiful writing

    1. Thank you for the kind words, but my life is great. When I wrote this, I was a bit down, but I think you touched on my intent. I don’t think anyone should ever hide their depression or their sadness. Thanks for reading. You’re not the first person to express a little worry, but I live a happy life and always will.

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