does God watch the jersey shore?

does God eat cupcakes?

is he aware of red velvet cupcakes?

does God take month-long naps?

does God still edit this magazine
or does he delegate the task
to his employee angels?
or to his empirical task force?
or to tyrannical leaders
who have bribed him with organ songs?

does God write in pencil or pen?

does God know what Google
is going to do next?

does God have issues
with his DVR recordings?

does God chase tail?

does God wear makeup?

does God celebrate cinco de mayo?

does God get suckered into
magazine subscriptions too
because some kid knocks on his door
and says he is just trying to make
his way through college?

does God care who is the president
of the united states of america?

does God tuck Barack Obama
into bed at night?

does God think George Bush
was a terrible president
but still
would be kinda fun to have
a beer with?

does God think yoko
broke up the beatles?

does God enjoy dubstep?

does God regret disco?

does God play chess
against himself?

does God put tornados
in tornado alley
to keep up its reputation?

does God get soy milk
with his iced chai lattes?

does God support the man
who wants to marry his dog?

does God wish that everyone
would just call him “Steve”?

does God want to strangle me
for assuming he is a man?

does God want to strangle me
for assuming he has a gender?

does God ever speak to me
thru siri?

does God ever work through sunday?

does God understand bjork’s music?

does God get bored
watching quirky performances
of “waiting for godeau”?

does God wish that
some people would talk louder?

does he have to lean in
to hear
when some people speak to him?

does God
get annoyed when someone asks a question
that he already answered?

does God
have any relevant insights
on gun control?

does God think about

does God want the Packers
to beat the New York Giants
as much as i do?

does God
think america is crazy?
think japan is crazy?

does God understand
the concept of crazy?

does God ever just stick out
its finger
and just ploop
kill someone?

does God brush his teeth
with colgate or crest
or sensodyne?

does God prefer
offbrand cereal too?

does God share my taste
in music?

does God support
the left or the right?
the up or the down?
the slantways or sideways
or beltways or airways
or highways or does God
really wish that
twenty-four-year old poets
would mind their own damn business
and stop asking questions?

does God
mind helping me to stop focusing
on america so much?

does God
ever just want to invent
some new awesome storm type?

does God
have the high score
on the pinball games in heaven?

does God
ever consider
giving us all yellow skin
like the simpson?

does God have the cure for cancer
in a jar under his sink?

does God write in pencil
or in pen?



Author: brice maiurro

Denver poet. Author of Stupid Flowers, out now through Punch Drunk Press.


  1. I love this. But the scary thought, is what if he really does have these problems. I always hope they end, in the end, but if he has these problems they are with you even after death. So lets go with he doesn’t have these problems, for my sanity 🙂
    Great Post though 🙂

  2. Now you got me thinking about how God would answer these questions, HAHAHA!

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