there is a dog in the yard
on a leash that is tied
to a tree
and it’s trying to get away

the sprinklers are running

there is a white fence
there are cars driving by
and there you are
behind it all
staring out of a window

staring out at the flies dying
the concrete heating in the sun
the bicycle tied endlessly
to a telephone pole with one tire
never to be rescued

you are staring out at the birds
shitting on your driveway
and the dandelion poofs that just
float on by
the ones that don’t give a shit about you

and you are still sitting there
behind that window
behind that prison of a window
where you just do nothing
just wait for the mailman to stop by
with a big brown box
and inside of that box
is the dream that you ordered
when you were a twelve year old girl
and it fits just right
red and slinky and crawling down to the floor
it fits you
like it was tailored perfectly to you
and you deserve it
for all your hard work
all the days you’ve put in
all the tears you’ve cried
and the sweat that you have sweat
this dream is yours

don’t wear it in the rain
it might shrink
it might get dirty

do you even remember how to jump in puddles?
do you even remember what a mistake tastes like?
do you even remember how sexy a voice can be
when it is hoarse
and dry
and thirsty
for someone
or something?
do you even remember what it feels like
to taste a cake that you baked yourself?

you just dance on the roof of this house
that someone else built with their hands
with your dream
your pretty red silk dream
amongst the white cotton ball clouds
and the bluest sky you have ever seen

the bluest sky that you could make from scratch

if you look there
across the way
you’ll see an apartment complex
and on that third story there
in the window
is a man sitting exhausted
at a computer screen
crunching numbers
his eyes swollen and red
his fingers moving like legs
on a thirty day hike to survive
do you see him?
or is he an invisible ship
crashing onto your shallow shore?

he is looking for the right algorithm
he is putting pennies into the machine
hoping that the copper can form pipes
pipes that can send water
where water is needed

he is ticking away
like a time bomb
he just moves on
to the next sentence
and you are so pleased with yourself
congressional medal of honor
for the way you sat at that window
waiting for life to come to you
shrink wrapped
bubble wrapped
preserved on ice
but never fresh
never raw
never wriggling in your soft hands
just served on a silver platter
that someone else made




how’s it going?
i don’t really know you.
i think i missed just about everything
that you ever did.
i’m working on getting caught up.
but right now.
i’m just listening to your ambient stuff.
it’s become an archetype really.
the band musician who goes on
to make the kind of dreary music you hear
in the background of artsy films.
trent reznor must have gotten the cue from you.
not to assume.
i mean
maybe he has no idea who you are
and what you do
but that seems very unlikely.

please don’t get me wrong.
i’m not insulting you by any means.
as a writer especially
i appreciate the ambient stuff.
so many artists just want to cram agenda
down your throat.
personal agenda.
definition of love agenda.
political agenda.
existential agenda.
i know.
i’m a poet.
i’m a hypocrite.
and i’m guilty of having agendas.
i think it’s impossible to be a poet
and not have an agenda.
even not having an agenda is a bit of an

i think it’s impossible to be a poet
and not be a hypocrite.

it’s hard to not be a hypocrite
in general.

did gandhi ever have a cheat day
when he was fasting?

that was rude.
you don’t even know me.
now i’ve gone and made some terrible impression
on some bald artist i don’t even know.

it’s okay.
i’m bald too.
us bald guys got to stick together.
this song of yours has wind chimes.
very clever.
no, seriously.
i’m not making fun of you.
i’m just jealous is all.
i have to try to capture moods with words.
i can’t do anything musical.
i had a short stint with a guitar
but it ended like a lot of my relationships;
i got bored and just forgot it ever happened.

ever just have a day where you just don’t
answer your phone?

i think i’ll have one tomorrow.

is eno really your last name?
seems too perfect.
like lana del rey.

but sincerely.
i like your stuff.
i’m curious why MGMT wrote a song
about you.
i’m curious why you’re so famous.
curious being the correct word.
not confused.
i just know you did something important
but i don’t know what.

i was watching a documentary
on national parks
and they talked about teddy roosevelt
and i realized
that i never realized
what a badass he was.
he basically was president
and spent the whole time camping
and reminding this country
that we were the western western world
and that we should just try to hold on to this.
make some effort to not screw it up.
human nature, i guess.
wait for the last opportune moment.

but anyways
my point is
i never knew.
teddy roosevelt.
now my favorite president.
maybe you’re my favorite musician
and i just don’t know it yet.
i’m looking forward to hearing
what you have to say, brian eno.

now it’s your turn to talk.




i hope you’re happy
i can’t go to sleep because of you
i can’t even close my eyes because of you

i can’t dream because of you
i can’t reset my soul
or digest my day
or forget the moments of terror because of you

i can’t shake these grasshoppers in my jar
i can’t shut off the rush hour traffic in my head
this red eye flight seven-thirty-seven
crashing against the wall of my skull
i can’t float down this night river because of you

i can’t sleep with the television turned off
i can’t sleep with the television turned on
i can’t god damn do a thing but type this god damn
this stupid fucking poem and my eyes are so heavy
and my neck is so sore
and the nightmares just float on the ceiling of my room
and the ghosts of my ex-girlfriends lay starry-eyed beside me

it’s all backwards
someone left the fridge open
i can’t get out of bed
the house is so god damn cold
i can’t stop thinking about you
i can’t forget this adolescent reckless rock opera
that i spewed at you as if i could carve you into loving me
with the sound of my voice
and this was ages ago
and who you are is ambiguous
even to me
nothing is clear
i’m just living inside of this heckling
cumulonimbus cloud
this cumulonimbus cloud that just fucks with me
and i’m drowsy
nyquil drowsy
driving on coffee fumes through utah at night drowsy
less than a quarter tank of gas
and it’s running out
the belligerence in requiem form
i can feel it running out
but my old bones in my young skin still ache
my old soul in my battered rib cages still coughs
and sits by my fireplace heart
and rocks in his cliche rocking chair
and why won’t you let me sleep?
i just wanna sleep
i just want need to not be in this world
for a few hours
eight or six
i’d even settle for four
to help me remember how much i love this world
to help me remember
and to provide the eulogy
for this ugly cloud
this stupid cloud that just thunders
and never has the courage to lightning




my heart is a vintage typewriter
the keys stick like stubbornness latching onto old bad memories that helped so hard to define me
the ink has run dry like dreams of an ivy league school in far, far eastern states
but still i pound away at these keys like landlord knocks on a basement apartment door
like neighbors fucking through the wall when you’ve got to get up at i hate my life o clock
when you have to get up at where the hell is the sun o clock

my heart is a vintage typewriter
and the space bar has rusted
where now all the thoughts jam together like california traffic or heroin dreams
or the toxic symphony of the two combined

you, dear reader, dear lover
are a sheet of scrap paper
blowing around in a dust bowl at an old train station
where i pray the demonic forces of god blow you through my window
and into my reel
where i will dance upon you like a river on rocks
like a beautiful bright locust plague on the nations of your body
like a great sharknado manifesto
and the ink curdles the page and i crumple you in my brittle hand
and throw you into the waste bin
but the white dust of you remains speckled across the shoulders of my vintage typewriter
and still i pound
like an angry stomach that craves something but doesn’t know what
like a toddler tantrum on wooden floors
like a great kettle drum in red rocks amphitheater beneath the black sky and your eyes blown up and scattered across the everywhere and the anytime

my heart is a vintage typewriter
and this is my letter with just barely enough postage to get to you
in some spots the ink has worn off and in others it’s too heavy to read
if there is a mistake there is no back button
if there is a mistake then
please, pardon my honesty



we walked slowly into
the mouth of the snake
hands tied together in one giant fist
we walked parallel strong stupid
saying “hey, we got this”
to one another.

funeral marching past the totem fangs
onto the cotton tongue bed
we didn’t want to stop
although we knew
it would take months to be digested
before we came back out
into the still hot desert
mangled piles of the angels we once were
separated but forever mangled
or maybe just reborn
with resin of venom on our broken breath
blisters blooming beneath high heels
as hopeful flowers retreat into soil



you always danced like a chipped ballerina in an old music box
on your tiptoes tipsy and graceful as grieving as you moved
like tattered fabric in a hurricane to the freezer door and the bottle
of moonshine iced and singing old slave songs to you in keys
that you made up in your mono radio mind

afflicted by static and late night restless scribbles on your skull
you danced like a chipped ballerina in an old music box
on the dresser next to an empty glass of melted ice that wreaked
of old man whiskey and unswept dust silent but scruffy and
the vanity mirror that you fell into laughing like the mad woman
that it was so easy for the world to fall in love with from the safe side
of the looking glass

and the valet that had nothing but condom wrappers and illegible numbers
and ripped up lottery tickets and change that you found in a tizzy
as you dug deep into the sofa of the cushionless sofa that you fashioned
into a fainting couch where you psychoanalyzed your demons with your devil
dressed in your favorite dress oh yes your favorite dress
the one you wore to prom when you bled wine all over his
white leather backseat

you always danced like a chipped ballerina in an old music box
to songs from pulp fiction and lights designed to brighten the wide eyes
of a monster who has found her own wild rumpus and ate it whole
like the world’s saddest slice of grocery store birthday cake
and i waltzed beside you in steps of three but i was just a moth
dream-dancing around your magic electric fly trap




where have you been, old poet?
we’ve been sitting, dying, rocking
in old wicker chairs made of impatience
waiting for you to return breath
to the holes inbetween our heart and lungs
waiting for you to return
wind to spin crossroad signs
pointing north south east west
and we are sore-assed and tired
from sitting, twiddling our stupid thumbs
hoping, just really really hoping
that you decided
to come back home
for thanksgiving
and that the taste of the food
that you grew up eating
that raised your soul
into the full-grown suited man it’s become
would be enough
to make you stay for christmas
because your lanky words
are the only ones
that could reach up
to put the makeshift star
on top of our blue christmas tree
and maybe just maybe
you’ll find gunshots
in the crackle of jesus night fire places
or maybe just maybe
you’ll find solace
in the prison that you carpeted
and renovated and guerrilla crocheted
the prison bars of
and maybe you’ll drink
whiskey or just thick crude typewriter ink
but either way
we are so glad to see your pale face
and please
eat something
you look so god damn skinny
and we’ve all been sitting, dying, rocking
in old wicker chairs made of impatience
for you to reclaim your throne
amongst the broken branches
and the ugly paintings hidden
in the walls of our chests


Happy one year anniversary to all of my readers. I’ve been gone, but I’m feeling good about poetry and hope to get the gears turning again.