RANSOM NOTE

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

WE HAVE WHAT IT IS YOU MOST VALUE.
AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE IT BACK TO YOU EASY.
WE WANT YOUR EVERYTHING:

YOUR BED AND BREAKFAST
YOUR WIFE AND KIDS
YOUR TELEVISION
YOUR RADIO
YOUR DRIVEWAY AND YOUR CAR
YOUR GOOGLE SEARCH HISTORY
YOUR BLACK BOX OF SECRETS
YOUR IMAGINARY PHOBIAS
YOUR VERY REAL PHOBIAS

WE ALSO REQUEST THAT YOU DELIVER
40 HOURS A WEEK OF YOUR LIFE
FOR 50 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE
IN SMALL BILLS
IN A METAL SUITCASE
TO THE INTERSECTION OF REALITY RD.
AND DREAM DRIVE
BY 0900 HOURS
ON YOUR SON’S
GRADUATION DAY.

WE WILL NOT COMPLY
WITH COUNTER OFFERS.
IF YOU WANT MORE
WE WILL BE TAKING MORE.
THIS IS NOT A GAME.
THIS IS THE GAME.
THIS IS NOT YOU VERSUS US.
THIS IS NOT A WAR.
THIS IS A MASSACRE
AND WE HOLD ALL THE GUNS
AND YOU HOLD WHAT FITS BETWEEN
YOUR PRAYING HANDS.

THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL.
YOU MUST DO AS WE SAY
OR THINGS ARE NOT
GOING TO BE PRETTY FOR YOU.
WE KNOW HOW TO STARVE YOU.
WE KNOW HOW TO CUT OF YOUR
ELECTRICITY: BOTH INTERNAL
AND EXTERNAL.
WE KNOW HOW TO SEDUCE YOU
AND THEN NOT GIVE YOU
WHAT WE PROMISED.
WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

WE HOPE THAT WE HAVE BEEN CLEAR.

IF WE HAVE LEFT YOU WITH ANY CONFUSION
DO NOT WORRY.
WE WILL BE RAMMING THIS DOWN YOUR THROAT
THROUGH CEREAL BOX PROPAGANDA
AND SCHIZOPHRENIC POSTCARDS
FLASHING SCREENS OF LIGHT
AND JUMBOTRONS OF ANAPHYLACTIC APOCOLYPSE
UNTIL YOUR LAST BREATH.

UNLESS YOU CHOOSE
TO MEET OUR DEMANDS.

WE LOOK FORWARD TO
YOUR PROMPT RESPONSE
AND ACTION.

THAT’S ALL FOLKS.

SINCERELY,

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
COPYRIGHT BRICE MAIURRO 2014

READ “HAND TAKES WHEEL”

Author: brice maiurro

Denver poet. Author of Stupid Flowers, out now through Punch Drunk Press.

8 thoughts on “RANSOM NOTE”

  1. Dude, this is why I miss you when you leave… this is original, angry, funny, and (at risk of sounding trite) all kinds of brilliant. And I mean the real brilliant, not that made-up stuff that gets slathered on your beard before you shave it off with a machete. Excellent Brice, and so glad to have your unique, particular voice back in my head.

    1. Thank you. That was definitely the starting point for the poems was the all caps. I use instant messenger at work and when I want to get my employee’s attention for important announcement that’s the way I’ve found works best, and it’s filtered into my poetry too.

  2. This is probably not meant as humor, but I did find it funny in a dark, black comedic way. Very insightful and ironic as well. All and all a very original AND great piece of poetry. Thank you.

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