you can have your big birthday bashes
your clam shell tubs
your heated saltwater pools
your easy-bake ovens in your robin’s egg blue

you can have your five-course-meals
and your ivory pianos that go unplayed

you can have your da vinci veneers
and your exclusive yoga resorts
your thirty-thousand television channels
and your personal foreign masseuse

you can have your granite stone lazy susans
and your egyptian cotton table runners
your chandeliers from western somalia
and your china cabinets filled to the brim
with your tiffany blue diamond encrusted
china cups collecting dust
await earthquakes that will be covered by your
super-fantastic fear insurance

you can have your rhinestone dresses
and your tailor-made suits
your neiman marcus children
and your norman rockwell dog

you can have your summer homes
your recreational vehicles
your collection of glorious horses
your large plots of empty land and
your enviable glamping adventures
amongst the itinerated outdoors

you can eat every last page
of your skymall magazine
on your personal jet plane
flying thousands of expensive miles
above my lowly head

you can bury yourself in egyptian tombs
or have your ashes spread into the playa del carman
as dolphins backflip for you
in honor of your nancy meyer movie life
let the fireworks celebrate your incredible ability
to make phone calls and place orders and command people
to your very whimsy with your nepotist magic wand
and your mary poppins purse
but i am no dolphin
and i will not flip for you

i will be here
in my tin can
with my spaghettios
and my poetry
and smiling
the way you can only appear to
in your digitally mastered



Author: brice maiurro

Denver poet. Author of Stupid Flowers, out now through Punch Drunk Press.


  1. “you can bury yourself in egyptian tombs
    or have your ashes spread into the playa del carman”…how did you know about my plan? Wonderful writing Brice, it knocks me out (figuratively). I can’t reblog Redhead because I did so
    last year and now your site won’t let me reblog it again. Love that poem, so far I have not found one that you have written that I have not thought “fantastic”.

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